Triangulation is a manipulation tactic where one person will not communicate directly with another person, instead using a third person to relay communication to the second, thus forming a triangle.
Using this tactic you can manipulate the conversation and what is said between two people, possibly turning them against each other, this is known as divide and conquer.
Pretty scary stuff, especially when you do not know what is being said, you feel the situation slipping completely out of control. At least if the manipulation is happening to you directly and only you, you still in some sense feel as though you have a little control over the situation but if a third-party is involved that’s when you start to feel extremely powerless.
This has happened to me, and of all the narcissism, mind games, and endless fighting I endured this was a breaking point for me when my own mother was dragged into it. My mother can get quite stressed out, naturally like any mother over her children so this was an extremely cruel move.
My now ex husband thought he would try to gain the upper hand by then telling and sending her links to information of various mental disorders he had self diagnosed me with. He wasn’t being direct with me in what he was saying to her and she didn’t know what to do or say to me because she seemed to get a whole different story from me.
This was extremely upsetting and confusing for both of us, when she would have to ask me something to confirm and I would look at her puzzled and say “wait what?!”. Not to mention, my mum has a bad memory, not in the same way I am with certain memories my brain has block and possibly overwritten but early signs of possible Alzheimer’s. She could easily be told something or maybe not told something and then be told she was remembering it wrong or that you never actually said something, and she would surrender and just reply with a confused “oh…“. Very unfair if you really wanted to use that to your advantage.
Not only was he in my head, but my mother felt like he was getting into hers. She said since she started communicating with him she has become increasingly stressed and on edge, I also felt like this but for a majority of the time.
I started to even withhold information about my past or anything I wanted kept private, I would even tell lies! I don’t lie, I normally wouldn’t to my family or close friends that I trust but when you have someone who demands to know everything, who will bring up things you have told them later on when they need to used it to prove their point or just belittle you and make you feel insecure, you feel desperate to avoid it and so I would just lie.
I would never lie to gain things or hurt people, even if I was hurting my ex husband by doing so, I was protecting other people and myself. He wasn’t hurt though, he was just annoyed I was hiding things because he wanted and had to know everything about me all of the time.
I didn’t particularly know my ex husband as he lived overseas and if I wanted to see him I had to pay his way, which I did, regrettably. He could have been doing anything over there, I will never really know, I never got to the point where I found out (never moved overseas to join him).
I had trouble trusting him and I don’t even have an explanation for that, to an extent I did trust him, I trusted the person he appeared to be but something deep down in my gut just didn’t trust him fully at all in the end.
He has gone now, he doesn’t openly contact me as I am no use to him anymore, neither is my mother nor would she talk to him again. I am absolutely fine since he has been gone, I am no longer stressed, my mind feels clear and I feel free.
This says a lot about the circumstances I was in, I have never had an issue or these sort of issues he claimed I had with anyone else before only him, therefore he was the issue.